2 separate thoughts.
first.
shock
i didn't see that one coming.....

second.
Running. What from?...I dunno. I've lost me....in the midst of it... someone came up to me today...and said "how are you? you don't seem as 'jovial' and happy as you used to.." .....I know that....I feel it too. The scariest thing is I feel like......i might not care. But in cantata today....one thing spoke out to me.."God's own Son came reaching, reaching out to a world that lost its way".
Christmas is about hope. Maybe that's why my msn picture is a rainbow. Cuz I remember when I saw that rainbow...awhile back.....that it reminded me of hope. There is hope. I need to stop....and face life.

Snow. I don't know if i like it or not :P I love how beautiful it looks on the ground. But I really don't like driving in it.

And well in kindergarten...snow means snowpants. And would you ever guess that the most tiring part of your day would be at the end of the day.....trying to get 20 kids dressed to go outside! haha.. : ) Here is a glimpse of what could be heard... "...Miss Wu can you help me put on my coat....after I try it of course?" "...I can't find my mitten"..." can you help me tie my boots?" " miss, Miss Wu....can you help me?" "can you tuck in my boots?" "or....just kids coming up to you and sticking their mitten in your face cuz they can't do it... or...kids just staring at all the clothes they need to put on..unable to decide where to begin! : ) haha. It feels so good to see them all bundled up! : ) Luckily, some of the kids manage on their own...and help one another....& well, they're getting better now that they have done it more often.

Maybe it's time.
Ever since I was a kid, ( I think), I always thought when I made a mistake, it's best to start over. It was much easier to have a fresh start than work with the mistake and correct it. I can give lots of examples of this, ie/art. haha...I'd much rather start on a fresh new sheet of paper to sketch rather than erase...and be left which smudges on my sheet where the old work can still be seen (no matter how good the eraser is). Or with games.....if the game started off badly, I believed, that it for sure would end up badly thus, we should start over. Playing piano...if I messed up in the middle, it was much easier to restart than to try to fix my mistake and carry on. I'm a perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect.....or not to have it at all......or I stress....

However, in life, starting over isn't always an option...and I suppose that's something I'm learning to work with. People don't always let you 'do over' a game just cuz you're losing :P or....you can't redo/ quit everything you start due to lack of resources, time or well...life. Relationships are something you can't redo, you can't rewind and pretend nothing happened. You can't restart. You can only mend....what's been broken....forgive for a fresh new start...
If I've hurt my mom with my words, I can't take it back...(unfortunately), I can't restart....but since I've been given time (now), I can use that time.....not to make up what was lost....but to allow for healing between us. Just like...our cuts, scrapes, and wounds heal; so too ....maybe that's the hope for relationships. And maybe the scars that are left, won't just remind us of the pain, but instead be a joyful reminder of the healing that took place. And perhaps, it IS time for this healing to come into our hearts.....to let us truly move on to wherever God leads us. Perhaps, the healing will free us to do/be what God intended.
Let Him in Heidi, Let Him in.