FACING MY GIANT
Yesterday was Tuesday. Why is that important? On Tuesday afternoon, I volunteer for a program called strong start which helps Kindergarten & Grade 1 children to build more confidence in their letters, words, and sounds. I meet with the same kids each tuesday...to play games to help them build these skills. This is a commitment I made. So when I first got onto the supply list a few weeks ago...I had put into the computer system that I am not available on Tuesday.
So that being said....here's what happened on Tuesday.
I went to the school where I volunteer and just after the kindergartens get into the classroom. Brring... the classroom phone rings. It's for me. I think it's the VP calling to ask me to supply for another day; instead, I'm talking with the lady at the board office. This lady has called me a few times before...and hasn't been very pleasant because I haven't been able to take any jobs she's offered.
Our phone conversation sounded something like this..:
"So I see you're volunteering at Laurelwood"
"Yes, I am"
" You do realize you were hired on the emergency supply list AND you haven't taken any jobs"
" Yes, I do..."
" We hired you NOT to volunteer but to take jobs" (I realize this! O_o) "If you want to volunteer instead, I can take you off the list right now if you'd like." (What?!? So i'm in shock...)
" We need you to supply today at P.M. public school. Do you know where that is?"
" No.."
" It's in Elmira" (ELMIRA! O_O i'm terrified of driving on the highway.) "Don't worry, I'll give you directions" ....so she gave me directions...and I'm panicking. How am I going to get there? I have to leave NOW. and go NOW.
"Um...what grade am I going to teach?"
" I think Grade 6" (i've never taught Grade 6 b4 ....and I was hoping that my first supply job wouldn't be grade 6). "By the way, they've already started, so please get there as soon as you can"
-end of conversation-
So swirling in my head was... " I can't do this" , "This can't be happening", " Elmira...how am I going to get there?" " Grade 6??? I can't teach grade 6" "I'm already late???? That means I show up ...and i have no time to look at anything. And then I became very frustrated/angry with my parents because they had told this lady where I was.
I rush home to gather my stuff together. I wasn't prepared for supply teaching. I wasn't expecting to need to go. So I went home...and started yelling at my parents...while trying to look up exact directions to this school...and grabbing my supplies bag. This is NOT what I thought I would be like for my FIRST supply job. I was upset that my parents would put me in this predicament. So I leave my house frustrated.
Breathing deeply, i get into my car and start driving...at first...still very frustrated...and thinking I really can't do this. But I remembered the moving I watched with the teens this past weekend "Facing the Giants". I knew all along that supply teaching is a GIANT for me. It's too big for me. I feel it's impossible, too uncertain, and i"m not ready. However, in this circumstance, it seemed even bigger. All the things I was afraid of plus more....happened today. I felt like I forced myself to focus in the car.....and in this focusing....I feel God allowed me to calm down. I let go of my frustration of the shock of the situation, frustration with my parents...fear of failure, fear of teaching grade 6....and started praying (eyes opened of course :P) . I knew I would have to face the situation. Remembering the movie....I remembered that Nothing is Impossible with God. And that no matter what happens today...God gave me this opportunity and He'll bring me through. And no matter the consequences, at the end of the day, I will praise Him. With that...i was able to calmly call my dad...and make sure I was heading in the right direction to.. P.M. public school.
I don't want to write all the details here....cuz it's already getting long. But...on the whole the day went alright. Not perfect. Far from it... but it could've been a lot worse. I know though...that God knew me and was with me through it all =)
It was a grade 6-8 school. Luckily, I was teaching grade 6....cuz...if they had called me in for grade 8 I might've freaked out. The Lord knew me.. He knew I wasn't ready. So he gave me a day where the teacher taught the same lesson to 3 different grade 6 classes. Also, a day where the teacher had two spares...giving me time to breathe...and think ... The behaviour in the classes weren't great. Not really unexpected since I am a supply teacher. They tried to push their limits. But surprisingly...God gave me peace about it. They weren't super quiet or superly well behaved...it was manageable...and I remained calm throughout the class (which I didn't think i would..). IT was april fool's day yesterday which could have contributed to behaviour. Probably not the best day to supply teach. But....no one pulled pranks on me by God's grace. ...they did to each other though....which is a possibility why they were louder.
At the beginning of the day, I saw this day...as a nightmare...teaching grade6 (of all grades), in a foreign place (ELMIRA), in a foreign school, and to top it off....with NO time to think/prepare. At the end of the day...after reflection...and looking back..I see God's grace...in it....I see God let me teach grade 6 rather than a higher one, letting me improve my lesson...as I taught first class vs. the last class, take care of me on April Fools Day, and giving me peace...despite the behaviour. And letting me drive all the way to elmira to give me time to process what was happening.
I can look back and say that I'm glad He gave me this opportunity (even when I dreaded it in the morning). I can look back and not be upset with the lady at the board office (after all ....she was probably desperate...as my mom pointed out....since my last name is....well "W"). I can look back and praise Him = ) So....unexpected circumstances...yes.. what I least wanted... yes.. but ....also. worth it. Thank you God = )
So why is tuesday important? Because ...it threw me.. off guard...and because of it...it made me rely on God...something I should learn to do for all the jobs that I will take after this. = )
Yesterday was Tuesday. Why is that important? On Tuesday afternoon, I volunteer for a program called strong start which helps Kindergarten & Grade 1 children to build more confidence in their letters, words, and sounds. I meet with the same kids each tuesday...to play games to help them build these skills. This is a commitment I made. So when I first got onto the supply list a few weeks ago...I had put into the computer system that I am not available on Tuesday.
So that being said....here's what happened on Tuesday.
I went to the school where I volunteer and just after the kindergartens get into the classroom. Brring... the classroom phone rings. It's for me. I think it's the VP calling to ask me to supply for another day; instead, I'm talking with the lady at the board office. This lady has called me a few times before...and hasn't been very pleasant because I haven't been able to take any jobs she's offered.
Our phone conversation sounded something like this..:
"So I see you're volunteering at Laurelwood"
"Yes, I am"
" You do realize you were hired on the emergency supply list AND you haven't taken any jobs"
" Yes, I do..."
" We hired you NOT to volunteer but to take jobs" (I realize this! O_o) "If you want to volunteer instead, I can take you off the list right now if you'd like." (What?!? So i'm in shock...)
" We need you to supply today at P.M. public school. Do you know where that is?"
" No.."
" It's in Elmira" (ELMIRA! O_O i'm terrified of driving on the highway.) "Don't worry, I'll give you directions" ....so she gave me directions...and I'm panicking. How am I going to get there? I have to leave NOW. and go NOW.
"Um...what grade am I going to teach?"
" I think Grade 6" (i've never taught Grade 6 b4 ....and I was hoping that my first supply job wouldn't be grade 6). "By the way, they've already started, so please get there as soon as you can"
-end of conversation-
So swirling in my head was... " I can't do this" , "This can't be happening", " Elmira...how am I going to get there?" " Grade 6??? I can't teach grade 6" "I'm already late???? That means I show up ...and i have no time to look at anything. And then I became very frustrated/angry with my parents because they had told this lady where I was.
I rush home to gather my stuff together. I wasn't prepared for supply teaching. I wasn't expecting to need to go. So I went home...and started yelling at my parents...while trying to look up exact directions to this school...and grabbing my supplies bag. This is NOT what I thought I would be like for my FIRST supply job. I was upset that my parents would put me in this predicament. So I leave my house frustrated.
Breathing deeply, i get into my car and start driving...at first...still very frustrated...and thinking I really can't do this. But I remembered the moving I watched with the teens this past weekend "Facing the Giants". I knew all along that supply teaching is a GIANT for me. It's too big for me. I feel it's impossible, too uncertain, and i"m not ready. However, in this circumstance, it seemed even bigger. All the things I was afraid of plus more....happened today. I felt like I forced myself to focus in the car.....and in this focusing....I feel God allowed me to calm down. I let go of my frustration of the shock of the situation, frustration with my parents...fear of failure, fear of teaching grade 6....and started praying (eyes opened of course :P) . I knew I would have to face the situation. Remembering the movie....I remembered that Nothing is Impossible with God. And that no matter what happens today...God gave me this opportunity and He'll bring me through. And no matter the consequences, at the end of the day, I will praise Him. With that...i was able to calmly call my dad...and make sure I was heading in the right direction to.. P.M. public school.
I don't want to write all the details here....cuz it's already getting long. But...on the whole the day went alright. Not perfect. Far from it... but it could've been a lot worse. I know though...that God knew me and was with me through it all =)
It was a grade 6-8 school. Luckily, I was teaching grade 6....cuz...if they had called me in for grade 8 I might've freaked out. The Lord knew me.. He knew I wasn't ready. So he gave me a day where the teacher taught the same lesson to 3 different grade 6 classes. Also, a day where the teacher had two spares...giving me time to breathe...and think ... The behaviour in the classes weren't great. Not really unexpected since I am a supply teacher. They tried to push their limits. But surprisingly...God gave me peace about it. They weren't super quiet or superly well behaved...it was manageable...and I remained calm throughout the class (which I didn't think i would..). IT was april fool's day yesterday which could have contributed to behaviour. Probably not the best day to supply teach. But....no one pulled pranks on me by God's grace. ...they did to each other though....which is a possibility why they were louder.
At the beginning of the day, I saw this day...as a nightmare...teaching grade6 (of all grades), in a foreign place (ELMIRA), in a foreign school, and to top it off....with NO time to think/prepare. At the end of the day...after reflection...and looking back..I see God's grace...in it....I see God let me teach grade 6 rather than a higher one, letting me improve my lesson...as I taught first class vs. the last class, take care of me on April Fools Day, and giving me peace...despite the behaviour. And letting me drive all the way to elmira to give me time to process what was happening.
I can look back and say that I'm glad He gave me this opportunity (even when I dreaded it in the morning). I can look back and not be upset with the lady at the board office (after all ....she was probably desperate...as my mom pointed out....since my last name is....well "W"). I can look back and praise Him = ) So....unexpected circumstances...yes.. what I least wanted... yes.. but ....also. worth it. Thank you God = )
So why is tuesday important? Because ...it threw me.. off guard...and because of it...it made me rely on God...something I should learn to do for all the jobs that I will take after this. = )
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