Maybe it's time.
Ever since I was a kid, ( I think), I always thought when I made a mistake, it's best to start over. It was much easier to have a fresh start than work with the mistake and correct it. I can give lots of examples of this, ie/art. haha...I'd much rather start on a fresh new sheet of paper to sketch rather than erase...and be left which smudges on my sheet where the old work can still be seen (no matter how good the eraser is). Or with games.....if the game started off badly, I believed, that it for sure would end up badly thus, we should start over. Playing piano...if I messed up in the middle, it was much easier to restart than to try to fix my mistake and carry on. I'm a perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect.....or not to have it at all......or I stress....

However, in life, starting over isn't always an option...and I suppose that's something I'm learning to work with. People don't always let you 'do over' a game just cuz you're losing :P or....you can't redo/ quit everything you start due to lack of resources, time or well...life. Relationships are something you can't redo, you can't rewind and pretend nothing happened. You can't restart. You can only mend....what's been broken....forgive for a fresh new start...
If I've hurt my mom with my words, I can't take it back...(unfortunately), I can't restart....but since I've been given time (now), I can use that time.....not to make up what was lost....but to allow for healing between us. Just like...our cuts, scrapes, and wounds heal; so too ....maybe that's the hope for relationships. And maybe the scars that are left, won't just remind us of the pain, but instead be a joyful reminder of the healing that took place. And perhaps, it IS time for this healing to come into our hearts.....to let us truly move on to wherever God leads us. Perhaps, the healing will free us to do/be what God intended.
Let Him in Heidi, Let Him in.