Being sheltered so much, I guess I never really knew all the things people were capable of. As we were coming to the last day (yesterday) of selling williams, a brother in our church gave my dad a verse from Matthew 5. It says "If someone forces you to go one mile, go' with him two miles". It's an interesting choice of words. "if someone forces you..." I've never really thought about it. How can someone force you to do something you don't want to do? ...but i guess i understand better now. It's kind of like being pushed into a corner. And you have a choice to push back, or...to keep walking with them. It sounds so easy. But when people manipulate you, or don't treat you with respect even if you have given it your all, or when in faith you put yourself out to help them and they just kinda throw it in your face... when this happens....it's hard to walk the other mile with them. Because your natural inclination is to protect yourself and the ones you love.

It's hard when they strike you on one cheek to turn the other cheek. But while talking to my dad, he said that it's better not to hold hatred and bitterness in our hearts. And I know that without Christ, this isn't possible. (double negatives :P) Meaning only with Christ, is it possible to walk the 2nd mile without holding resentment against the other party. It's good to hear my dad say that. I think it takes a lot coming from him.

I can't sleep :P So I thought I would write my thoughts.

Yesterday night was eventful. Aside from the deviation in routine due to people doing inventory at Williams, many other things came to my attention. Things that tugged at my heart.

Think about your life, what is important to you? what things have you invested in? What possessions do you have? your job.. your investments..your home..your security... What if all that was taken away? What would life be like? These are just some thoughts that spiraled through my head when customers told me that there was a big fire in the new chinese restaurant in Stratford. My first thought was...."Did anyone get hurt? was everyone safe?" We dont' really know the owners well but sometimes they come in for coffee. So that question remained with me.

Later yesterday night, the whole family (grandpa, grandma, dad, mom, little boy....) came into williams. After the fire, someone had a giving heart and had bought $200 worth gift certificates for williams...to give to them to help them with their food for a few days. As they came in, I saw the sad looks in their eyes, dejection, tiredness, loss. My heart went to them. No one was hurt in the fire but they lived at the restaurant. It was all gone. Their home. They money. Their investments. I can imagine that like us, they put a lot in the business and it was going well...but now everything is gone. As I served them & spoke with them in chinese, I kept praying and asking God, there must be something we can do. What can I do? They need you now Lord.

So I haven't come to a conclusion to what to do. But prayer is one thing. If you read this, please pray for this family & for many others that are like it perhaps that are facing similar hardships. It's a reminder to me that material possessions will pass away but treasures stored in heaven will last forever. But for those who don't know Christ, they don't have that hope. So we must let Christ's love shine forth from us......so in these times of hardship, they will see the God that cares for them and thus have hope.

Today's the day :) :( :? ^_^ O_o ?_? >_< <_>! What's in store? I have no idea.."The Lord's my shepherd... I will trust in you alone"

It's been a tough week, full of ups and downs...but a couple heart warming stories remind me to keep going. (both having to do with kids :) )

One little kindergarten girl came up to me one morning and handed me a rose. At first I thought it was for the teacher I help out but when I saw that the teacher already held a rose, i realized the little girl was giving it to me. Surprised, I stared at her and asked "for me?" she nods and smiles. "Did you pick it out yourself? " she nods again and says " my dad and I went to Zehrs to buy them yesterday. I was in awe. I'm not a teacher in the class....yet she bought me a rose.

A kindergarten boy comes up to me thursday afternoon and says with his cute english accented voice "I like it when yourrr here". ( i don't volunteer wednesday afternoons so i wasn't there the day before)

These are little stories.....but it really made my day. : )

At Williams the other day, a customer asked me how i was doing in school. I answered, "i'm done school". He's like "really? you don't look like it". I answer "I'm 24". He gives me this look of surprise and shock. Perhaps that's the first time I hear myself say that I'm 24...or maybe it was the repeating of the number in my mind..or how old/foreign that sounded....that the reality strikes me. I'm 24.

And today, reading devotions (after not doing them for awhile), I read exactly what i needed to hear! :) God is good :) The most important thing is not about doing all the activities that i do....but my personal relationship with God which i've been neglecting. "It is the innermost, personal area that reveals the power of a person's life". Oswald Chamber says "if you waste your time in overactivity instead of being immersed in the great fundamental truths of God's redemption, then you will snap when the stress and strain do come". That's what i'm doing and how i feel. But...there's a way out: if you put him first & spend time getting rooted and grounded and spend time even if it may seem impractical, you will remain true to him no matter what. Truth. I need more truth. "The truth will set you free" John 8:32

Sore today :P haha. hiking yesterday was really nice! we got lost :P well....I got *separated* from the rest of the group with one other person and we went the wrong way! haha... so to find out the right way to go, we hiked up a hill that had no trail. It felt more like a mountain! my legs felt like jelly :P anyways...we hiked up the hill to realize we didn't need to be up there...and hiked back down :P haha. crazyness. It was really nice to be away from home and all the things that are attached to that 'idea'. wind in our faces. nature all around. beautiful : ) And I was reminded once again that God is near.

Random thoughts......

so....i've been sleeping a lot the last few days. sleeping long in the nights and yet taking naps in the afternoon. Sleeping doesn't make me feel better but i sleep cuz it seems like the best thing to do.

a new change is coming. hopefully a new wind. however the way it looks right now, it doesn't look as refreshing as i had hoped. our world as it has been for the last 10 years will be turned on its head in two weeks time. so much uncertainty. This is what we've wanted for years. some hope. some end. now it is in sight. But ..
is it?

are these 2 weeks leading up to it going to be full of trials? complexities, misunderstandings, stress? is it going to tear us up even more? can we pull together to face this or are we all walking separate ways to face this alone? i don't know.

In the last little while, some days i feel so frustrated, i just want to scream and cry.....but can't seem to do either. what i produce is a blank stare. it's like i don't care anymore. i scream and cry in my head but....my face is glazed over. Is it time/age that does this (cuz kids don't) ? Is this something I've done to myself? So maybe this change is needed, no matter how tough it takes to get there. maybe the Lord knows it's our breaking point. there's only so much more we can take. so he gives us a way out.

sorry for the depressingness of this blog. i'm not depressed. :P i guess i just let my mind write itself out today...no editing....and it's been that kind of day.

Lots of ups and downs these last few days.

Sometimes I feel so stupid. and wonder how people like me can be allowed to drive. There have been a few close calls in the last little while. I'm not a risk-taker but well also not a very good driver. Safety is something that's been in the fore-front of my mind. God really protects me in some parts of life that I don't even give a second thought to. It kinda freaks me out that I could be driving others....and that their lives are in my hands O_o. It feels like it doesn't make sense why God would watch out for me when it's my own stupidity, but He does. Grace. Thank you Lord for watching out for me even when I don't deserve it.

In fellowship, we've been talking about being "brave hearts" for God like Joshua (ie/ not always taking the safe/easy way out of situations). The other day...while I was at Sobeys buying steak (which was on sale), I bumped into a little girl from VBS with her dad. Surprisingly, she remembered my name. Feeling somewhat like I was intruding on their shopping time, I quickly said, "bye, i'll see you later" and ran off. While choosing steak, I hear a kid's voice "I see you again !!" and turned around to see a big grin on the little girl's face as she stood inside her shopping cart. At this time, the father (who I haven't met), proceeded to speak to me in mandarin!!! O_O i don't understand mandarin. -_-. After telling him that, he used english to tell me that his little girl really enjoyed VBS & that everytime they drove past the church, she would point and say she wanted to go again. wow, what a change of heart. :) During vbs, this little girl was one of the toughest kids to get to participate. Anyways..we talked for a little while about other things and AGAIN, I said " i'll let you get back to shopping....and bye i'll see you later"and focused back on the steak choosing. However, I knew I was just given a perfect opportunity to invite them to come to church for the children's program and I had just chickened out.

Thinking back to fellowship, I knew that decision was the safe way out. So at that moment, I had a choice. I could go talk to them again. Or I could just leave. One part of me was saying, they already left, you've already talked to them twice; do you really want to talk to them THREE times??? they'd think you're weird, they would never say yes to coming, what's the point?. The other part of me was thinking: God doesn't make coincidences. You haven't seen them since vbs and now you see them. You've been meaning to follow up, you haven't and now, God presents you with an opportunity. We've been talking about being brave hearts, are YOU going to be one? So next, i know i start bargaining with God in my mind. "IF i can find them, i'll invite them" and in my mind I keep thinking...maybe i won't bump into them again. then another thought. ack heidi, does that mean you don't want to find them? "no.....",
Decision time. Go. "walk faster...", "where are they?" i don't see them. I go to checkout. Oh! there was the little girl but they were so far up in the line. i didn't want to cut in. So i lined up in another line and prayed..."God if you want....let me finish checking out when they do"...and stalling a bit...we ended up meeting b4 leaving sobeys!! And setting all thoughts aside, I told the father about the children's program & invited them to come on sunday. To my surprise,
the dad said, "yes. maybe we will come on sunday to see".

I don't know if they're going to come. And this might seem like I made a big deal out of nothing. a simple task. Many ppl would have gone right ahead and done it without a second thought. But (perhaps unfortunately) this was a big deal for me. Why does God use people like me, when there are so many people who are quicker and less hesitant to obey? Why not just choose the joshuas of this world? The only answer I can give is: because He wants us to be a part of the work He's doing on earth. It truely amazes me. :) PTL!

Time sure passes quickly. In a blink of an eye, it's Wednesday already, midway through the week.

Today, to encourage me, someone reminded me that Jesus said (in John 17: 25.-26)

"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you. I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

Jesus prayed for me and for you here (we're included cuz we believe in Him through the message of his disciples or others that knew him)! Jesus prays that the love of his Father for Him might be in us (how mind boggling & wow is that?!?). So in our daily lives.....we are to reflect the Father's love for His Son to others around us. It seems so simple. why then.....do i make it so much more complex?