Random thoughts......
so....i've been sleeping a lot the last few days. sleeping long in the nights and yet taking naps in the afternoon. Sleeping doesn't make me feel better but i sleep cuz it seems like the best thing to do.
a new change is coming. hopefully a new wind. however the way it looks right now, it doesn't look as refreshing as i had hoped. our world as it has been for the last 10 years will be turned on its head in two weeks time. so much uncertainty. This is what we've wanted for years. some hope. some end. now it is in sight. But ..
is it?
are these 2 weeks leading up to it going to be full of trials? complexities, misunderstandings, stress? is it going to tear us up even more? can we pull together to face this or are we all walking separate ways to face this alone? i don't know.
In the last little while, some days i feel so frustrated, i just want to scream and cry.....but can't seem to do either. what i produce is a blank stare. it's like i don't care anymore. i scream and cry in my head but....my face is glazed over. Is it time/age that does this (cuz kids don't) ? Is this something I've done to myself? So maybe this change is needed, no matter how tough it takes to get there. maybe the Lord knows it's our breaking point. there's only so much more we can take. so he gives us a way out.
sorry for the depressingness of this blog. i'm not depressed. :P i guess i just let my mind write itself out today...no editing....and it's been that kind of day.
so....i've been sleeping a lot the last few days. sleeping long in the nights and yet taking naps in the afternoon. Sleeping doesn't make me feel better but i sleep cuz it seems like the best thing to do.
a new change is coming. hopefully a new wind. however the way it looks right now, it doesn't look as refreshing as i had hoped. our world as it has been for the last 10 years will be turned on its head in two weeks time. so much uncertainty. This is what we've wanted for years. some hope. some end. now it is in sight. But ..
is it?
are these 2 weeks leading up to it going to be full of trials? complexities, misunderstandings, stress? is it going to tear us up even more? can we pull together to face this or are we all walking separate ways to face this alone? i don't know.
In the last little while, some days i feel so frustrated, i just want to scream and cry.....but can't seem to do either. what i produce is a blank stare. it's like i don't care anymore. i scream and cry in my head but....my face is glazed over. Is it time/age that does this (cuz kids don't) ? Is this something I've done to myself? So maybe this change is needed, no matter how tough it takes to get there. maybe the Lord knows it's our breaking point. there's only so much more we can take. so he gives us a way out.
sorry for the depressingness of this blog. i'm not depressed. :P i guess i just let my mind write itself out today...no editing....and it's been that kind of day.
1 Comments:
At 9:25 PM ,
Julia said...
Heidi, I didn't have any idea that you've been struggling with all this stuff. I hope you know that you can talk to me, always. I'm really just an email or a phone call away. I really miss you and Laura. I don't think I'll ever have such caring and considerate roommates again :)
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