well I haven't blogged in a long while....i know it's an understatement :P Why I'm blogging now..that's a good question cuz I myself don't even know. :? but anywho..

today it hit me for the first time for REAL that wow this is my last year and I don't know where I'll be next year. I mean, I knew this before. I've been telling myself this and trusting God. But today, it hit me and now I KNOW. crazee feeling it is. I don't know what I think about it.

I've been thinking a lot about what Pastor Mike said yesterday at ACF about letting go of our "Issac" if we are called to as Abraham was. And about the absurdity of God's request to Abraham, yet his willingness to obey and follow, trusting God will be God and that His way IS best. As a song says, "I've tasted and I've seen" that God is good and that he is faithful and soo amazing! Praise Him for that! Praise Him for what He has done this week! truely mind boggling! yet amazingly cool! :) Yet this term, I have this unsettling feeling that I've been holding onto something. I just can't figure out what it is. Waiting though until he'll reveal it and hoping that when He does, I won't be afraid to let it go.

I don't want to be left behind. I want to be..more than all I know...part of Jesus' body and army.

As i was about to publish this post, I had the sinking feeling I didn't want to. weird. maybe it's cuz these thoughts are so real to me. so close to my heart. transparency. sometimes scary. But perhaps this is what i need. To let go of me...and what people think of me and Look and see only Jesus.

o/~Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in his wonderful face and the things on earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.